Orthodontist

I hate the orthodontist. Now I know what you're thinking. "They aren't that bad." "It's their job! Give them a break!" "They give you a perfect smile which is both good looking and good for you." "Hate is a very strong word." Yeah well I have had to deal with them for nine years of my life. Did you read that right? Nine!!!! That's half my life.

For the past seven years I was nice to them. Okay not really but I put up with them and tried really hard not to hate them. This last year I gave up. I decided that it's too much effort to show that I don't actually hate them. Part of the reason I hate them is I have had braces for five or six (not really sure) of those nine years. Yeah. I'm a little annoyed.

One appointment was particularly strange because I was happy and then I was extremely annoyed because they told me I was going to get braces for the third time. Well before that I was trying not to laugh as they worked on my teeth because I thought of this video. Specifically the part about a fire because I could see and smell smoke as they scraped glue off of my teeth.

I have had pretty much everything you can think of. I had a retainer to make my mouth bigger because I had a small mouth (so if anybody says I have a big mouth I can blame my orthodontist which is nice). I had springs in my mouth that I would play with and sometimes they would get stuck so I couldn't close my mouth (that was really awkward in school because suddenly my mouth would be open longer than normal and I would be freaking out trying to fix the stupid spring). I have had so many canker sores that stuff that my be extremely painful for somebody else is normal  for me and doesn't bother me (one time the orthodontist said to use wax to fix it and I didn't understand why).

My third time having braces was probably the worst because it was in the very back of my mouth. The very back. The tooth that's farthest back in your upper mouth. Yeah. I had braces there which was the cause of bleeding and many canker sores back there (the bleeding was mainly because there was three centimeters of wire sticking into my cheek).

Before my third time I had full braces and then almost a year or two with a retainer. I got one of the invisalign retainers. When I got my third braces they took my retainer and cut it in half so I could still wear it at night.

I got a new retainer after the third time. I hate how they make the mold for them though. Using this gross pink goey stuff and put it in your mouth and then hold it there for at least a minute. Gross. Plus I have a huge gag reflex so half the time I'm gagging and can't breathe and they think I'm going to throw up, which I'm not I just can't breathe. So I'm gagging and can't breathe and they bring a trash can and I'm just thinking "That's not the problem! I can't breathe and a trash can isn't going to help me breathe."

Anyway after they give me my new retainer the lady tells me about cleaning it. I heard this when I got my first one but I didn't pay much attention to it. Then she asked me if I brushed my old retainer two times a day. I stared at her for a while and then just said no. Another lady in the background started laughing when she heard that and I don't know why. No, I'm sorry I'm not going to thoroughly clean my retainer twice a day I really don't care if it gets cloudy. I'm going to be wearing it at night so nobody is going to see if its cloudy unless I show them or they stare at my mouth while I sleep. Apparently I'm also supposed to clean it everyday in Efferdent or something like that but I'll probably do that once a month if I remember which I don't think I will.

That's my orthodontist experience I've also had one of the orthodontist say that I'm not as cool as another patient (it was a guy teasing the lady who was working on me that his patient was cooler than me so I guess it's not that mean but the lady didn't really defend me...). Maybe that helps you understand why I really don't like them.